Best... Placard... Ever...

'THE BLOKE BEHIND ME CAN'T SEE'
A teenager waves his placard about in the Australia v England Twenty20 match.

- BBC Sport.

The Leaning House of Broadcasting

I totally agree with this Times column on the BBC's biased coverage of "Palestine". The BBC reports pretty much everything stated by Palestinian spokesmen as fact. There are no quotation marks, no "alledgedly", no "suspected". In reality the "facts" were inherently disputed though. However, here's how the Times itself reported the incident used as the column's prime example:

Babies die as artillery barrage hits families on picnic beach

ISRAELI artillery fire killed a Palestinian family who were picnicking on the beach in Gaza yesterday, as the shoreline was packed with people on a Muslim holiday.

Cynical, me? Surely not.

Tattooing

Or for trolls, engraving.

If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be?

Living is easy with eyes closed?

SPQR?

WUM?

Personally I think John 8:32. Just the reference, not the actual verse.

Incidentally, note the raspberry blowing. Also, I got 14/15 on the quiz. Damn that question about the spoon.

The Guild of Fools

Didn't Warwick SU kick out their Christian Union years ago?

What a bunch of 'tards. Why do they need to be part of the Union anyway? Tithe everyone from their student loans and they'd be rolling in funds. Not that they need them.


Aunt: [slaps him twice] Wicked child!!! Chairs are an invention of Satan!
In our house, Nathaniel sits on a spike!

Edmund: ...and yourself...?

Aunt: I sit on Nathaniel -- two spikes would be an extravagance.

Au Contraire, Blackadder!

I am returned from New Year's in London. Huzzah! Huzzah!

There was copious drunkeness and general frivolity. I got the best secret santa present by far, direct from a Cairo souk. There was meeting of random people from Felsted in Covent Garden, dressing up (literally) and stripping of a totally trashed Jimmy, much Mario Tennis and a plethora of pictures. I dragged Jim to the gym. I even cooked! How rare!

I also got a belated present from the OTC: £335... Huzzah!

Miss Sally Lockhart, I Presume?

Quote of the moment:
Live News.......Fifa in doubt over Portugal world cup win against England

It's alleged that one of the Portuguese football players failed a drugs test after the match. If this is confirmed as positive, under World Football Federation rules, paragraph 6 sub section 2e, Portugal will forfeit the quarter final match and England will play France in a Semi Final match played at a later date. (scroll down for the full transcript of this report).

...Carlsberg don't send emails, but if they did they would probably be the best emails in the world.

Cracking stuff. An interesting night tonight, at the end of year staff party. Apart from me, the only people under 30 were the headmaster's daughters, who were behind the "bar" table, and the oddjobbing year-after-uni-to-decide-what-to-do old boy, who was minding the music and chatting up the elder daughter. Reassuringly he has much less hair than me. The party was suprisingly ok, mostly because all the staff were drinking themselves back to my kind of mental age and I was staying there on Coke.



In entertainment news, hot on the heels of the possible massacre of His Dark Materials comes a BBC adaption of Philip Pullman's The Ruby in the Smoke. It should at least be kept British and the BBC expertise in Victorian drama is second to none, but Billie Piper? Not exactly the classiest choice. Sally's supposed to be the posh lady in the East End, not the eJimmy, of course, wants Emilia Fox, because he loves Emilia Fox. Fine for the later books, but Sally's supposed to start out aged 16. Then again, if they make all 4 straight off, then that'll balance out a bit. Personally I'd go for someone like Emilie de Ravin.

Psalm 23

Quote of the moment:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

- Psalm 23, also the name of the episode of Lost series 2 about Mr Eko. Marvelous what you can randomly find out from the RT online, Daily-Mail-reader-targeted though the reviews are. Mr Eko: don't you wish he'd been the school chaplain? Even I would have turned up on time then...

The Bushcraft Channel

Quote of the moment:
"UKTV History: Ray Mear's Bushcraft"

On the hour, every hour, from 7am to 1am today. I would say "Oh dear" but given the dearth of anything else decent I watched parts of 4 different ones.

I also watched the penalties of doom. It was all over from when they started to "play for penalties", wasn't it?! England CAN'T win on penalties!

Old Habits Die Hard

Quote of the moment:
"Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh!" - Dr Evil.

I haven't watched TV (or at least a TV of which I'm in control) for so long that I keep wanting to pause it so I can get up and do something or talk to someone. Not only that, but I'm reaching for a phantom spacebar to do it. Almost as bad as when I tried to mute my sister with the TV remote.

Willpower

Quote of the moment:
"Time to go running!"

In the last two days, I've been running at 9 both mornings (with Martin and then with Little James) and I did a half hour ergo tonight as well. I also ate 4 kit-kat chunkies last night while watching Man on Fire and have taken to licking Classic Woodsmoke sauce (the green labelled one) off first a spoon, then just my knuckles. Interesting contrast. Mmmmm sauce.

On the way to the gym tonight I saw Sideshow Bob coming the other way riding a bike with a mountain board across the handlebars. The hair and skin had changed to red and white, but he had the same face, especially the same nose, the exact hairstyle and the same "I'm on a mission to kill Bart Simpson!" look in his eyes. Most bizzare.

Finally, for those who have illegally watched Lost series two up to the appropriate point (at least episode 19) there's an interesting literary story here.

Lost: One Night's Sleep

Quote of the moment:
"What time did you get to bed?"

Mmmm. About midday. Started with The Da Vinci Code at the cinema, in which the ending's wrong and Audrey Tatou has disconcertingly enormous dark pools of eyes, and which I managed to watch in a different screen to everyone else, because for some reason the cinema filled one and then started filling the other simultaneous showing, with the cut-off point while I was trying to catch them up. It was puzzling entering the screen, to say the least, but I was dead centre in an almost deserted bank of seats with no contemptuous snorting from Steve, so I was fine. Steve, by the way, resembles Silas the monk almost as much as he resembles Smeagol.

Upon returning from the cinema I started watching Lost, Series 2, episode 9. I stopped during episode 18 because it was 9am and Martin wanted to go running.

You Know You're Too Into Lost When...

...You see a parrot flying along the side of the sports pitches in Kent.

Apparently, though, there's a parakeet colony nearby in Ramsgate. I bet they're homesick and pining for the fjords.

Hot Today Is...

Quote of the moment:
9 minutes 59 seconds - My new 1.5 mile time, as of this evening. It was 11.09 in September. Not bad considering the last fortnight was a week of drinking followed by a week of eating. Also hot today is...


Elaine Cassidy

As seen in Disco Pigs, The Lost World, The Others and as Ken Stott's niece in My Uncle Adolf. Currently on TV in The Ghost Squad. Tis not so much the face as the voice. For a kinaesthetic I'm peculiarly susceptible to voices.

Wash Away Sir Ian Blair, Kthanx

Quote of the moment:
I got troubles oh, but not today
Cause they're gonna wash away
They're gonna wash away

And I have sins Lord, but not today
Cause they're gonna wash away
They're gonna wash away

And I had friends oh, but not today
Cause they're done washed away
They're done washed away

And oh, I've been cryin'
And oh, I've been cryin'
And oh, no more cryin'
No, no more cryin' here

We get along Lord, but not today
Cause we gonna wash away
We gonna wash away

And I got troubles oh, but not today
Cause they gonna wash away
This old heart gonna take them away

- Wash Away by Joe Purdy, from the end of today's E4 re-run of Lost.

Random mini-rant, sparked by seeing it still going on yesterday: Sir Ian Blair's comments on how media coverage varies with the ethnicity of the victim and the ensuing debate: Cobblers. Media coverage varies with the wealth/fame/attractiveness of the victim, as it does with anyone not considered a victim. Thus, to use his examples, the rich white banker and the poor asian shop owner got different amounts of coverage for their respective murders because of much money they had. Nicholas van Hoogenstraten having an Asian rival property magnate killed: big coverage: the victim was rich AND so was the killer. Ricky Gervais and the identity fraud: he's famous. Similarly Jade Goody "forgetting to pay" for some George cardigan in Asda: wouldn't make national newspapers unless she was famous. Just to round things out, on the attractiveness side of things, there's "cokehead Kate" Moss who fills all three requirements for coverage and therefore made the front page.

When come back, bring non-politically-correct-full-fat-GM-pork-filled-made-in-Leicester-not-Melton-Mowbray PIE.

P.S. On the topic of getting washed away, Cambridge did exactly that in the Boat Race.

RIP Fat Will

Quote of the moment:
Imperial: 13st 12lb (196lb)
Metric: 88kg

That puts my BMI at 24.2, making me "Normal" for the first time since before I bummed my knee aged 15, when I was 14st 7lb. BMI is blatantly crapola, but it's on my side now so never mind. W00t for me and w00t for the gym scales. I went yesterday during the England-France rugby match, because it would be emptier than normal. 31-6 to France, so I didn't miss much.

I've just been introduced to the marvels of Lost... not that I hadn't seen a couple of episodes before, but I borrowed the "First 12 episodes" box set and got through 5 on Saturday night. I was quite suprised therefore to find that my "Architectural Engineering" lecture this afternoon was taken by Locke...

Echoes in Eternity

Quote of the moment:
"There was a dream that was Rome. You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish, it was so fragile."

Boris Johnson presents The Dream of Rome, tomorrow night, 8pm, BBC2. Entirely unrelated to Gladiator, but it still makes me wish I had a TV... and a license... and decent reception... and a sofa to watch it from... Ah yes, the marvels of halls.

I Killed Kenny

Quotes of the moment:
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree!

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

- Yes, I found a Simpsons quote site. Hurrah!

While reaching under a metal bench to get some dirty pans, I pressed my arm against the lip of the bench-top. Unfortunately the bench-top was touching the flash-pan cooker top next to it and was thus rather hot:



D'oh! The picture's a bit out of focus, but it's blistered up nicely. Silly me.

The honour of being the official 'Crazy Russian' has been seized by a new arrival called Zoltan. He's actually a chef, not a porter, and is built entirely of muscle. Last night, on his first shift here, he challenged everyone he met to an arm wrestling match. It was fortunate that I dodged out, because he was consequently renamed Arnold for slamming down fast enough to cause bruised knuckles.. Tonight he decided that he would make me his 'special friend' by bringing all sorts of lovely presents to me, i.e. every single crap-covered item he could find. To add to his Crazy Russian aura he has killer-blue Mr Blonde eyes. He would be scary if he wasn't wearing a daft chef's uniform.

Lastly, I have had a Money Spider living in my laptop keyboard:



I was going to name him Arnold, but perhaps Kenny would have been more appropriate. Oh my God...

Mmmmm... PIE

Quote of the moment:
"In species where females are harlots, males also have enormous testicles." - Dr Tatiana's Sex Advice To All Creation, coming to Channel 4 on Monday, meaning I miss it. Damnation.

Today's fun and games involved the car having a flat battery. It was duly jump started so that I could drive to work but died away again such that, while able to turn on the lights and play the radio, I couldn't get the engine started. I thus had to call out my parents with the jump leads, at 2am.

At work I decided to use the unclaimed wankwalk-o-meter that I found on Wednesday to measure my exertions. While at work I apparently walked 3400 steps, which in the kitchen probably translates to about 2000m. Hurrah!

There was a surplus of chocolate tart (PIE!) such that we had two whole ones between the 4 porters. I ended up bringing home 4 slices for the family, because otherwise I'd have been forced to eat them all:



That would have been purely to stop them being wasted, obviously.

Hell's Kitchen

Quote of the moment:
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

Looks like a fairly good peak there, if plotted as a graph. Yes, that is the geekish way my mind works. I rule. When I saw Vince's results I thought "How anomalous!". I then promptly forgot what "That A word meaning a mistake on a graph" was. Thanks Prill. [Looks embarrassed]

Having gone to bed at 7am, I got up around 5pm on Monday and have been awake ever since. It's the Will equivalent of the all-nighter: the all-dayer, getting up at the start of Monday evening and planning to go to bed somewhere near the end of Tuesday night/start of Wednesday morning. Hurrah. I was actually planning to go to bed quite early, but then around 5pm I got a call saying I was needed at work at 6pm, because someone else wouldn't be able to turn up. Hurrah again. More money in the bank, and it was a slow night so I didn't really do that much.

In other news, The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming is just about to start on TV, so I'm off to see in detail what caused my mother's family to yell the above slogan all the way down the routes nationales whenever they went on holiday, and us grandchildren to be led in doing so by our (slighty mad) grandpa whenever he took us anywhere. That's what being a pathologist does to you.

The One About the Englishman, the Welshman and the Canadian

Quote of the moment:
"Losing is good for you - if you work in A&E" - According to a recent study in Cardiff on match days, winning results in more assault victims because of men with their spirits buoyed by pride, patriotism and rapidly downed drinks!

Went running today. Was going great, managed about a mile at fast jog/slow run pace, then stopped to stretch and my knee started complaining. Bastard. Had to limp all the way home. Rather like doing some weights last night and being limited by my buggered shoulder, despite dosing up on Ibuprofen.

I was supposed to be working from 6pm til 11pm. That was a somewhat ambitious estimate, given that the restaurant didn't empty until nearly 11pm and the backlog of dishes combined with the pigsty left by the chefs wasn't cleared until 12.30am! At least it's more money in the bank(as long as I actually get paid for it). Didn't do much for the supper left out for me though.

Watched Quads again tonight, which is a strange cartoon about a guy paralysed in a car crash and his impaired friends living in a mansion bought with his compensation payment. You can tell it's Canadian already, before the randy pointy-nippled girlfriend, before Sister Butch the nun and a long time before the 'partly funded by the Canadian cash-for-being-risqué Board' logo at the end. Only in Canada.


Reilly the quadraplegiac with Miss Sheridan Franny his girlfriend
Missed Desperate Housewives, as I probably shall permanently from now on. Damnation! I'm now watching A Private Function, which is quite entertaining, terribly English and produced by George 'Beatle no.3' Harrison:

Maggie Smith to Michael Palin: "Right Gilbert. I think sexual intercourse is in order."