Pillage

Major Christmas spoils: A couple of shirts, a pair of walking boots, 15 novels, a tome on bridges with pretty pictures, a huge painting by my sister that she was very offended to hear me describe as looking like pieces of pizza and a head torch.

I went shopping today to acquire something else for me on my parents behalf:


I also picked up a rather fine rugby shirt. Hurrah for sales.


Well, you know how I love putting up pictures of my shopping...

Tagged and Bagged

Having tags on posts, or labels as Blogger calls them, is strange, but going back through my ridiculous number of posts (this will be the 587th) on the pretext of tagging stuff is quite entertaing, mostly because of how dire they used to be and how correspondingly dire the more recent ones will surely seem in a couple of years time.

I've "upgraded" my blog to comply with the new Blogger and thus it now displays labels properly as well as in the new bit in the sidebar. The text on the new version of my template is somehow not quite the same. Pretty sure it's not the font. The spacing between words seems smaller so I've overcompensated for that by making the line-spacing overly large. It may therefore look rather odd.

On the First Day of Christmas

Went to the midnight service in Felsted. The Christmas, The Flopster and many more were there. It was ultimate fun, especially when my mum had been at the wine a bit hard and kept starting hymns twice as loud and shrill as everyone else. I on the other hand was using my best Barry White bass. Sexy. But talking of sexy, kids... be good like uncle Jim.

Happy Shopper

New trainers from Freeport today have destroyed my excuse not to go running. D'oh!

What News from the West?

"I'm going to sexually molest your dog" #

What a legend. That one's definitely coming out the next time I want to insult someone.

In recent news: I'm home, at last, having survived a final week including a Rowing Christmas Ball and a "family" outing to Bounce. Both involved wine and thus naturally somewhat drunken, but I managed to come through with minimal memory loss and no major head injuries. Score!

The best bit of Thursday night was playing drunken sardines til 6am. I was unfindable when I got up into the loft. Go me. Paul swore he heard something but they searched they top floor and when he suggested the loft, I was passed off as "a rat". Lol. Better than that, though, was me, Matt and Moz lined up on the windowsill of the front groundfloor room (Matt's) hanging out of the window to minimise the bulge we were making in the curtains and waving drunkenly at the guy cycling past the end of the road.

God Is An Englishman

I've come to realise that Catholicism may be genetic. I think there's a guilty gene that drives me to need to confess things, although not exactly to a priest. I'm using a handy churchgoer as a proxy.

In return for said usage, I went as the psuedo gay friend on a cheering-up trip to the cinema with the aforementioned young lady. The Holiday was, in the Love Actually vein, a slightly superior rom-com, mostly made so by the British-set half. Eli Wallach, best known as 'The Ugly' in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, was also kinda cool. Kate Winslet plays her character as Emma Thompson, even down to the facial expressions. The twist involving Jude Law brings in what was for me the best scene in the film, and not just for the awesome furnishings.

Overall rating: left me wanting hot chocolate, which I duly begged in exchange for being wept on for the last twenty minutes. Personally, I wasn't sufficiently moved, unlike the doorstep signs in Love Actually, which is possibly the most sickly sweet scene ever. Bless.

Dirty Banker

I refuse to be banker. That way stealing from the bank's more of a challenge...

Here Wii Go Again

"Some early reviewers in the US have complained that the vigorous action demanded by the Wii controller have left them feeling stiff after a long game session." #

WORST. CONSOLE. EVER.

Playing console tennis that actually involves doing exercise? Oh no! But personally I'm looking forward more to sword elbow from Zelda than Mario Tennis elbow. It looks awesome.

Best... Bond... Ever...

Bond is the back, reincarnated as a blue-eyed assasin and, in my opinion, better than ever. Daniel Craig actually looks like he could do the legendary Bond one-punch henchman KO... Eva Green is phwoarsome... the cold eyes are chilling... the Juggernaut moment is classy... the only downside is the ending. It's either a subtle suggestion of the unseen final violence to follow or the lead-in to another film. The latter would be immensely non-Bond and annoying. I'm hoping for the first one. Bond films should be stand-alone, apart from the possible reappearance of Ernst Stavro Blofeld, complete with grey Nehru suit and fluffy white cat.

Rhetoric and Roast Beef

Went on a little stomp around the hills near Caerphilly today, followed by pub lunch. The posse was somewhat reduced by a combination of food poisoning and girls who are divided over the singularly sexy entity that is Sam. Pub lunch afterwards. Twisted my ankle somewhat and was back home ice-packing and dosing up when I got a text message saying the ergo test due soon would be tomorrow night. Alas, yet another one I've got out of! Every cloud has a silver get-out-of-ergo-free card...

In other news, I'm published, having a little rant. Go me.

More Carnage

The one I'm patting on the head (to remind her she's short) is Hana. The occasion was OTC Centurion/Toga night on Tuesday. The floor was sheeted in case of spewage, but Hana made it to the loos... and, once her housemate and I had carried her that far, a bush halfway back to her house... and his lap in the taxi we got from there, because he was trying to avoid paying extra. It leaked through his sheet onto the floor anyway, so he still had to!

I then headed back to town, leaving him in charge, and collected some random balloons on the way. I apparently told everyone in Lloyds, once I found the OTC had progressed there, they should be jealous of my balloons and that's why I remember being chased around the bar by completely random women trying to pop them.

Last night was the Wales UOTC 30th Anniversary Dinner. It was held in the huge vaulted entrance hall of the Welsh National Mueseum (just across the road from the Union) and drinks beforehand were in the Impressionists gallery, surrounded by Monets and similar. The Royal Welsh regimental band weren't at the Wales vs Pacific Islands rugby because they and their CO were there too. The main band were sitting down at one end, as you might expect, but the pipes and drums marched in, played some opening stuff and marched out again. Very bizarre, but quite awesome.

The only photo of me that's made it to Facebook thus far is this one, of me having issues with my bowtie in the barracks loos beforehand. Classy.

Obits

Quote of the Moment:
"I love doing sequels" - Arnie on re-election as the Governator of California.



A couple of old-timers weren't so lucky. The legendary Desert Orchid and the awesome footwarming party-pillow that was Ben have both gone beyond the sunset.

Remembrance

The Kohima Epitaph:

When you go home, tell them of us and say,
For their tomorrow, we gave our today

- John Maxwell Edmonds (1875-1958)

Thought to have been inspired by the Simonides of Ceos (556-468 BC) who wrote the epitaph for memorial to the Battle of Thermopylae:

Go tell the Spartans, stranger passing by
That here, faithful to their laws, we lie

Bingo Partay

Got another day's pay for rifle cleaning today: I was there for about 2 hours. £35. I love the OTC. Afterwards I joined a little party going to Sam's to play on his Megadrive. Awesome bachelor pad, PS2, up to the minute stuff, but he just wants to play Golden Axe. Worryingly, Golden Axe was released the same year as my sister.

Ami was also in attendance at the small gathering and bullied me into going to Bingo with her. Bingo. At the age of (presumably) 18. Along with Kat and Warren we were the youngest players in the room by at least 20 years and had severe issues with wanting to shout "BOLLOCKS" in the deathly calm of the bingo hall (and with Warren's constant swearing at his inability to keep up with the numbers, when surrounded by OAPs), but it was surreally entertaining. Just to reinforce her eccentricity, when we went across the road to Tescos afterwards Ami bought pickled eggs, which she started eating on the way home. Bizarre.

Redneck Partay

Went to see Borat: CLOAFMBGNOK last night. See if you can find meaning in that uber version of the blogger letter jumble. In the meantime, because for some reason it wasn't in the film I saw despite it being in all the reviews, here's the classic:



Go in peace, kids, and remember to use the second best chat-up line ever:

"Very niiice. How much?"

Nerd Partay

Quote of the moment:


He forgot to mention the pringles and the Double-Dash.

Tea Partay

Quote of the moment:
"Outing's off, enjoy the lie-in"

- No need to be up at 5am to be boating at 6am, thanks to Alex being off on a physio placement and everyone else being too sensible to want to sub in for him. Giggity giggity...



If only they were English, they'd know better about drinking habits. Pimm's O'Clock, all the way...

Halloween, OTC Style

Quote of the moment:
"You're a big silly! The bears don't get you if you step on the cracks! The bears will help you home, but the snakes will bite your ankles!"

- Welcome to the weird world of Scary Mary. Thanks to my platoon commander deciding he wanted to go against the flow and supplying me with false information, I ended up spending the last hour or so of last night in a club with just him, Mary and Amy, mostly trying to catch up with the mad woman after she ran off somewhere. Highly entertaining though.


Me, most of Scary Mary, Sam and Roz's head. Gaz and Amy are on the left here.

The pick of the spoils of the night was a black vest which Amy got free from the DJ box in Lloyds but I managed to end up with, after Gaz wore it for a while. Girls size, obviously, but nonetheless I promised to wear it to next week's training under my combat shirt.

Other freebies from the Lloyds DJ: bottle opener, vampire teeth, handful of pumpkin shaped lollies. Inidentals picked up in Lloyds and lost along the way: the handle of a plastic scythe, which thanks to my skeleton suit became my pimp/Baron Samedi cane, combined with a random witch's hat set at a pimp angle, and a black tail, which Sam took to whip people with. The bouncer on the club door randomly gave Mary a set of huge foam keys, which she stuck on me as a bangle and thus made it home. I spent most of the time in the club with her witches hat and broomstick stuck through my Donnie Darko hoodie (tied around my waist), having extracted the hat from her stuffing it down my trousers. She acquired a balloon from a random and tied that to my necklace, but got worried he might want it back and took it off after a while (and after he'd gone). Finally, another random beer soaked witches hat off a bollard on the way home. Classy. A masterclass in pillage.

Distinct lack of the accompanying Viking pastime though, before Jim gets excited. Also having got into a taxi with a couple of other OTC guys coming back from where everyone else was, I got out first and left Mary to go home wearing my hoodie. A win on aggregrate though.

Initialize the GBL!

Quote of the moment:
+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++

After an outing down at Cardiff Bay yesterday and another today in which my rather socialist* 4+ played fox to the 4+ and 4- hounds following us in what was apparently a practice run (and an ensuing burst blister on my thumb) I discovered what I thought were just scratch crews are actually racing on Sunday. It's the inaugural Cardiff Small Boats Head, for which I am a short notice replacement for what was a short notice crew anyway. Someone's out for reasons unknown to me from a race until today unknown to me, because during the post-training meeting on Tuesday to discuss the plan for the year I was marching home and changing into my dare T-shirt. My bad.

* Socialist 4+: A coxed four (4+) which has a n00b (and Welsh, of all things) cox who needs every call fed to him by the stroke and in which most decisions are taken either spontaneously or collectively by the 3 rowers** who aren't called Will, while Will sits quietly being the oppressed peasant.

** Rowers: Strictly speaking they're oarsmen, who handle blades and not oars. It's like guns in the Army. Guns are what the Artillery fire. Rifles are what riflemen fire, even if they aren't Riflemen. Unless they're a Machine Gunner, in which case they still don't fire a gun, but an MG, although not the sort parked outside the Officers Mess.

Can you tell I've been reading Pratchett?

Ghostly Goings-On

Quote of the moment:
"I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself."

Walked someone home last night to the far side of the city cemetary. Having dumped my grey hoodie at home on the way out I had lapsed from Donnie Darko into a mere skeleton, but a skeleton run through the park seemed a good way to get home. Sadly the gate disagreed, snagging my trousers on the way over and leaving me hanging til I ripped them off. Bit of a hole, through my boxers too...

In other news: how to celebrate the end of school (although only to go on study leave) like Aussie leavers...

An Oldie but a Goodie...

Quote of the moment:
"Under the sea
Under the sea
Darling it's better
Down where it's wetter
Take it from me"

The sexual inuendo doesn't end there. It's sung by a crab... (Eh Squire? Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, know-what-I-mean, know-what-I-mean?)

On the subject of classic oldies, by the time we reach New Year I expect Prill, Jimmy and anyone else claiming musical ability to able to play this:



I also expect Jim to magic a piano or electric keyboard into his house because we aren't going to be in the 'Burgh. Personally, I'll bring my tramp harmonica.

Damaged Goods

Quote of the moment:
"I'M SPARTACUS!"

Birthday outing on Monday night: I lost half an eyebrow and gained a large amount of ketchup, mayonnaise and assorted other condiments, which were interesting to wash out of my ears in the morning. Photos have yet to be posted on Facebook, for which I'm half grateful and half disappointed. What can you expect from 10 pints before going out? Bloody Duncs mate, bloody Duncs.

The damage can be seen in this photo from Tuesday's OTC Dare Night. Yes, that is a handbag and yes, I do love stealing Facebook photos.


In other news: Nato claim 48 dead militants, locals claim at least 60 dead civilians. Same bodies, it's just that they were carrying rifles when they died.

OCdt Shorty

Quote of the moment:
In the brief moment Skoo was not playing WoW this week we wrote the
following little film about The Toilet Guy. We were also going to try
and do a podcast but Skoo was back playing WoW by the time I was free.

I HATE YOU WoW.

DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Here's the toon:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/toilet+guy/

Haha. The insidious effects of WOW affect everyone.

OTC weekend 1 was fun. I got put in charge of my section, which was joyous, especially trying to lead them back to our lines in the dark holding hands in a very butch and military way. We managed to have 5 girls and 5 guys split into hetero pairs, randomly, which worked fine apart from one pair bickering like a married couple and in another the girl making the guy her bitch while she put on "tactical" green eyeliner.

Oh yeah. I'm 21. Go me.

Aberfan

Quote of the moment:
"Official commemorations of the 40th anniversary of the Aberfan disaster are beginning, to remember the 144 people who died in the south Wales town. A total of 116 children lost their lives when a coal waste tip slid down a mountain, engulfing a school and surrounding houses on 21 October 1966."

A reminder that accidents are far more of a threat than incidents.

The 'neanderthal' got his comeuppance. Black eye from Tuesday night, vague flashback of being in a headlock, that's about it. Twice in a week is pretty good going. On the plus side, it's beautifully coloured. An unrelated positive is that we finally have the internet installed and I've just bought a wireless USB stick. Wasting my life on Messenger is possible once more.

Dead Rabbits

Quote of the moment:


Reminded me of last weekend. Was lunching in the delightful training camp cafeteria and discussing who would actually join the army. Turned out that out of four people (two guys, two girls) only I would. They then wondered how soldiers could actually shoot people and seemed amazed when I said I'd do it without hesitating. How would I know? Well, I assumed on the basis of A) I've shot small cute fluffy things (with fleas, mind) which are much more appealing than blokes in combats/robes and turbans, and B) I have no ethical objection that could stay my hand. If it were a purely genetic issue, obviously natural selection would have weeded out those who couldn't before now, but with the enviromental effect I think a lot of it is down to instinct and the male instinct is to dominate, to fight for the alpha position.

Apparently I'm slightly prehistoric. Proud of it too :p

Der Panther

Quote of the moment:
Sein Blick ist vom Vorübergehen der Stäbe
so müd geworden, daß er nichts mehr hält.
Ihm ist, als ob es tausend Stäbe gäbe
und hinter tausend Stäben keine Welt.

Der weiche Gang geschmeidig starker Schritte,
der sich im allerkleinsten Kreise dreht,
ist wie ein Tanz von Kraft um eine Mitte,
in der betäubt ein großer Wille steht.

Nur manchmal schiebt der Vorhang der Pupille
sich lautlos auf -. Dann geht ein Bild hinein,
geht durch der Glieder angespannter Stille -
und hört im Herzen auf zu sein.

- Der Panther, von Rainer Maria Rilke. Poetry quoting one-upmanship it is. Once upon a time I could reel that off like The Jabberwock, but sadly German doesn't stick in the mind so well.

Further Facebook robbery produced another type of panther...


But some people are definitely not panthers. A guy who eats a whole chicken in one meal, weighs 18 stone and doesn't think he's fat? Is he a professional rugby player? Methinks not...

In other news, I am a mouthy git. While walking home I made an excessively loud comment about some guy slumped crosslegged in the middle of the high street and he got up and pursued us... he got in two punches to my face and got even angrier because I was just amused by him. My views on Welsh inferiority complexes were similarly unappreciated by the rest of the audience... Only because the guys were worried about their Welsh female neighbours taking offence. How chivalrous.

Initiation

Quote of the moment:


Induction was baby themed. Baby bib, big white "Hello Mummy!" pants masquerading as a nappy, alcoholic kids party games, vodka laced baby food, baby milk that was vodka with a dash of milk, muchos fun had by all, even me when I wasn't coughing. Went to Shipwrecked. Have bruises on my sides from piggybacking people all the way, purely because I wanted to at the time. Acted in an immensely sober fashion. Poledanced. All still dressed as a baby.

Officer Cadet Poyntz

Quote of the moment:
"Sometimes you have to tease
And sometimes you have to say please
And sometimes you have to say hey,
I'm gonna..."

- A suprisingly tuneful back-of-the-bus choir, trying to wake up the girls sitting just in front of them with some beautifully performed Tenacious D.

Hurrah for crusty old bowtie wearing Medical Officers. There were 4 GPs roped in to do the OTC medicals and one of them read his outdated booklet (last revised 2003) and failed me, but I got bumped up to seeing the army MO and he made me list sports etc since the op, made me touch my toes, blustered for a while about the incompetence of civilian doctors and then tore up my old form and wrote out a new one saying I was fine.

That was the most exciting thing that happened all weekend, with the possible exception of Cardiff Company destroying everyone else (Swansea, Bangor and Aberystwyth) at Saturday night's boatrace and leg wrestling. No, I hadn't heard of leg wrestling before either. The basic idea is to lie on the floor like you're top-to-toeing in a bed and on the countdown "1, 2, Cock-a-hoop" (bizarre indeed) lift up the inside legs and try and force the other person's down to the floor (flipping them over backwards in the process). We had 2 players from each company and I lost only to the other Cardiff guy, who happened to be a 6'6 18-odd stone second row known as "The Unit" for his ability to down vodka by the half pint. He does have the mild advantage of being from somewhere in the former eastern bloc and probably having been drinking vodka since his age could be counted on his fingers though.

Initiation tomorrow night. I spent most of today in bed alternatively sweating, shivering and coughing up lakes of green, with occasional red streaks. Mmmm... healthy.

Indiana Jones and the Medical on Saturday

Quote of the moment:
"You'd better leave before I accidentally call you fat."

- A drunk but well meaning Will manages to cause offence anyway. Funny that.

My elven eyes saw yesterday that my new room-next-door housemate, known to me, Jambo and James from last year as Van Helsing when we saw him in supper, actually deserves a more apt designation. As it was pissing down he was wearing his long Gestapo coat with his big Gestapo boots and his wide Gestapo hat, and looked just like this guy...



Awesome huh? I'm living next to the baddie from Raiders. He has the face, the round glasses and everything. He'd just need to trim the classic Games Workshop ponytail (he's still into his Warhammer). What a dude.

Talking of Raiders, Karen Allen as Marion is awesomely fit. Just thought you should know.

In other news, medical allowing I'm in the OTC. Had a bit of a mental first social on Tuesday, downed some strange custard cocktail, had a tug-of-war with a bit of wood (chain of three people on each team, holding the one in front and the front one holds the wood) which was a recipe for blisters when, instead of the normal few seconds of struggle, my round at the front lasted about 3 minutes of hardcore struggle until I got pulled over backwards by my team, flailed my feet in the air and kicked the other guy in the hand. We got the wood but were disqualified for bringing the game into disrepute. My bad.

Leaving on a coach tonight to go to Sennybridge training camp for induction weekend, involving lots of queueing, lots of kit issue, a fitness test and a medical. Hopefully I can convince the doctor that the form issued (last revised August 05) is out of date because ACL repairs are now fine. I had a letter from the Army Medical Board about it and everything. If only the letter hadn't disappeared into the strata of crap on last year's floor...

The Legend of Steve Farrington

Quote of the moment:
"Do you know who I am?... I'm kind of a big deal... I have lots of leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany..." - Steve last night, to at least 5 separate girls.

Practised the line-out skills again last night. Free Bounce t-shirts being thrown out - I made it home with 3. Score... I needed to change into one of them halfway through because I was drenched with sweat. Yummy. It was so hot and sweaty that the steam was condensing on the air-con ducts and dripping back down. Lovely.

Steve was entertainingly drunk last night. He passed out on my shoulder just after 2, then needed supporting all the way home apart from random moments of manic energy, such as the one when he grabbed a big plastic crate of milk bottles and hurled it at the wall. Fortunately only the bottles broke, not the window he nearly hit. He then fell asleep on the pavement outside Senghennydd Court, before running off around the corner and falling over when I asked for his key. Damn stupid thing to do, eh? You'd never catch me doing anything like that...

J'ai besoin de l'internet

...or indeed a decent grasp of French grammar. Shame.

24hr uni computer rooms are the way forward. My room is almost pimped to the max, right down to fairy lights around the bay window, and just lacks my vast collection of predominantly LOTR posters to put the "ting" in the tweeters. Innit. Foolish parents left them at home. Honestly, some people are just so disorganised.

Loves It We Doesss

Quote of the moment:
(Will comes out of the gym)
"To Tesco now? Oh no, we already decided that, didn't we? Tesco tomorrow coming back from the boat club. K. Not that we talk to ourselves, of course. We wouldn't do a thing like that."

Not out loud anyway.

Moving into the new house tomorrow. Here is a minimap:

Pub
|
|
|-K3/K9
|
Me-----------Union

Scale: roughly 1 centimetre to 50 metres, or 1:5000. Yes, it does look straight down an avenue to the back door of the union. Even I can get home. Even when I'm concussed. Score.

Revelations, Chapter 13

Quote of the moment:
"Recently I've been..."

...thinking McFly are like, so totally hot, and like, so cool, especially now they're in like, that Lindsey Lohan film.



No really, I have. Honest. I'm also loving the way the one second from left looks like a girl in boy's clothing. That look is so hot right now. Is it by Mugatu?

Recently I've Been (Hopelessly Reaching...)

Quote of the moment:
"You're never too old to assault a bouncy castle"

Scotland, part the first.

Schotlande, part deux.

Much fun was had by all, apart from when Vicky and I had huge power struggles due to her inability to admit she is completely incompetent at everything outdoors and should obey my instructions to the letter. So... maybe half the time!?

A Paintballing Oops.

Paintballing was aces. As Will T said, "If I do what Will says, I don't get shot". Wise words. I went a little power mad in the end, when I was leading my 6 strong sweepline from tree to tree with coordinate covering fire. Army geek and proud. The other team didn't score a single point all day and I even got a little "Player of the Day" plaque. Highlight of my life to date. That is except, of course, for my Royal Engineers familiarisation visit...

Running (10.2 on the bleep test, a mere bagatelle)
Swimming test at 6.30am
Rigid raiders (Royal Marine assault boats) jumping patrol craft wakes
Awesome complex drunken mess games in the Junior Officers dungeon
Naked bar (when the only light is in the drinks fridge and you're too drunk to see anyway, it seems like a good plan)
Naked arm wrestling (more fun than it sounds, the bar was in the way to keep it safe)
Bridge building
Command tasks (ooooh... fun :D)
Driving a truck the size of a house
Demolitions: blowing up a sandbag each with plastic explosive
Raft race: build it, paddle it around an island, strip it. We had the only raft that stayed intact (of 3) and 2 rowers calling 10 stroke pushes, and we overtook the leaders halfway around the island but ending up losing because we went around it the wrong way. Technicalities, honestly!

All in all, knackering and awesome. I'm now in Cardiff, staying in the S9 hotel until I can go into my own house on Wednesday. Went to bed at 4 after too much Total War, up at 7 to pack all my stuff to leave out for delivery next weekend via the family gathering in Chepstow, 7 hours door to door from South Lodge (Essex) to S9 due to a fire by the traintrack near Slough. I'm off to sing myself to sleep. Mcfly, naturally.

News in Briefs

Quote of the moment:
Q: Which planet is most easily visible with the naked eye?
A: Earth

Ah, the joys of 1988 edition Trivial Pursuit.

Scotland was awesome, many pictures up soon, paintball was even better, got power crazy and started co-ordinating section attacks on the pitiful green team who failed to win a single point all day, stacked it while blinded by Jim, skinned both knees, Royal Engineers visit tomorrow, swim test and PT test will cane, kthnx bye.

Severance

Quote of the moment:
"I wouldn't want to be accused of not finishing him off when I had the chance." - Laura Harris in Severance.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. Not only does she take a shotgun to the head of one near certain corpse, she drops a rock on the head of another, to a nice bit of ballet music. Classic moment when she first tries to lift one that's a bit too big for her, too. Best bit though was a guy trying to shoot people with a heat seeking missile, only to see it veer away from them and blow up a passing plane. Classy.

Hurrah for Jimmy's dad. He's decided to lend us his 4x4 for going to Scotland, instead of using Jimmy's hatchback. I had to go and have a driving lesson from him today to get to grips with it. To get "an easier start" than going out onto the main roads we went bumping around some byways first, which actually required far greater control and was rather new to me. Quite fun though. He also showed me and Jimmy the ridiculous amount of equipment he has stashed in its cubbies, including two tow-ropes, five tyre irons, a collapsible bucket and a foxing lamp.

Tennis this afternoon with Will was an improvement on the previous episode. I've progressed from losing 6-2, 6-1, 6-1 to 6-0, 6-1, 7-6 (7-4), mostly because Will got tired. There was an awesome game that battled back and forth for at least ten minutes of deuces and advantages, before I managed to hold serve (highly unusual) to make it 5-5... If I'd managed to hold again when I was at 6-5 then perhaps I could have forced him to stagger around for a further two sets and an epic five set victory.

Au revoir kiddies... I march to Scotland on the morrow. 6am on the morrow, to be precise.

A Big Pile of Awesome

Quote of the moment:
"...and all those ridiculous shows on so-called "music television", like "Date My Sister's Cat" and "Pimp My Mom" and "Gyrate Suggestively For Cash While Having Your Bedroom Covered In Treacle By Supposedly Hot Faux-Skater Boys Who Enjoy Having Their Bottoms Stapled Together by Dwarfs While Nickelback Plays Loudly In The Background"."

Schweeeeeet. Awesome rant. Also awesome today were: going dog walking with my mum, wearing a (carefully weighed) 35lb pack (graded increments, doncha know) and making her yell at me because she was having to jog to keep up; going to Jim's with Will T and telling Jim's mum "Jim said it might be ok if we played tennis" despite Jim not being available at all - we figured if we couldn't get through, his mum couldn't, and warned him that he knew all along when he rang back much later; going to Will T's house to get some stuff and, due to his parents (wisely) not trusting him with the car keys and the attatched garage keys, having to retrieve his backpack from the garage via the back window.

The last was far and away the best. After we unscrewed the small top window with the handy screwdriver from my car, Will got stuck halfway in, the wrong way up. I then tried to post him through the right way up and nearly collapsed into the mess of rotting plums that covered the area, but eventually I, with the aid of the wheely bin, got through the window and managed to unhook my foot which was stuck on the sill and forcing me into a hanging splits. I wasn't really feeling the pain though, because my crushed nuts were still hurting too much.

A Worse Driver than Sarah?

Quote of the moment:
"Anyone for tennis?"

An eventful weekend. Attempted to go out to Braintree/Freeport for a haircut (another of these) and a present for Paddy about 1pm on Saturday. Eventually made it out just after 3, because as I was coming out of our side road just outside the house the car in front of me pulled out to go right, stopped across the near side of the road (like a retard, blocking any way past, instead of carrying on) and a motorbike hit his bonnet. It had braked a fair bit because the guy carried on in a pretty flat trajectory and hit the road about 5 metres further on.

An hour and 3 police cars, one paramedic, two ambulances and a fire engine later the motorcyclist was finally removed to hospital where he was diagnosed with heavy bruising on his back and nothing more. The firemen were there, by the way, to disable the engines so they couldn't blow up, not that the damage was that severe because both car and bike were started afterwards and ran fine with a missing bonnet and cracked shell respectively. An hour after that the traffic policeman had finished his measurements, talked to both automobilists and got around to taking a 30 second statement off me and asking if I'd be happy to attend court if the driver got charged.

The biker came back yesterday, complete with family, to give my mum some flowers because she'd been out there "first aiding" for an hour, which basically meant getting him to wiggle his fingers and toes and then holding his hand and making him lie still. Bless.

Paddy's party (to which I took a spankingly good pair of spirit level cufflinks, for engineering types) was overstocked and underattended, which meant more booze and hig roast for those who did attend, especially me. I did however manage to walk to the ditch and lose some of the excess supper, unlike Jimmy, who walked to the loo but later needed escorting to the ditch for a second round. Good effort, that boy.

Everyone was up suprisingly early, but I woke up with an obscene level of blood sugar, got so fidgety I tidied up (truly shocking) and then made people play tennis with me for about 4 hours, with a break for lunch. I eventually bummed off home about 6 and collapsed into bed at 11, which is earlier than I managed all year at uni. Oops. Woke up 14 hours later and have been playing MTW ever since. It's ridiculously absorbing conquering people. I managed, the night before Paddy's, to not look at the clock from 2am til my parents woke up about 9.

Total Shopping

Quote of the moment:
"Please stop your nipples staring at my eyes" - a t-shirt that walked past me in Bluewater.

Did some more very exciting shopping... USB Game Pad, PES 5 and Medieval Total War... even they're maxing out the laptop spec. Total War's winning on time commited thus far though. It's also retro enough for the cut scenes not to shudder.

Even more revolutionary, however, than me finally playing something other than Cossacks, is that I tidied my room today. Stuff had been accumulating on my desk, at least, since before I left for the USA last summer.

Danger! Danger!

Quote of the moment:
"Can you go here?" Jimmy, Will T and I can... 10 days left til Coillegillie :D

I got a spanky new tennis racket today (and promptly beat my long suffering Mother 6-4 7-5) and also this masterpiece: The Dangerous Book for Boys.

Swallows and Amazons

Quote of the moment:
"If you're going to be moving in to your resplendant new housing in Cardiff prior to the 15th/16th of September (as in permanently moving in, or at least being there til the 20th... I don't know why you'd go back early, but you might...) do you have a garden, and can I pitch a tent in it until the 20th when I can move in to my amazingly-organised-people-who-forget-to-go-in-a-proper-house uni house? I am required for some rowing jollities and anti summer over-indulgence measures, but have a lack of anywhere to sleep. Yes, I am a pratt, and yes, I brought it all on my own head, and yes, you may laugh. If you let me stay you can even treat me as an adopted feral stray and give me a collar that says Fido, if it takes your fancy."

- My begging email.

The page with the dates on for rowing also has a little man endlessly ergoing. I thought it was a brilliantly monotonous piece, with good use of stark colour contrast. Long-list it for the Turner prize. Definitely worth a gold star.

In addition to pre-season rowing training, I'm going to be doing some more messing around in boats. As well as a week in Scotland with Will, Jimmy and a dinghy, I'm finally going on a Royal Engineers potential officer "visit". It's a sort of combination things-to-interest-you and things-to-test-you event, Monday to Wednesday, and includes bridge building and a raft race. Scorage.

Dobriety

Quote of the moment:
"totlally dober" - Drunk Jo.

Impressive. She can even slur her typing.

I spent most of the day (under minimal duress) doing some destructive gardening, hacking at hedges and bramble covered verges, then building a huge bonfire. I was wearing my prized Walmart value boots and reeked of woodsmoke. It was almost like being back on camp, without the kids waving molten marshmallows near my hair.

Talk to Edward

Quote of the moment:
"Talk to Frank"



Sadly you don't get to talk to Frank. Instead, you can talk to Edward Thorne, Esq.



For a better detail downloadable Edward of your very own, click here.

Flixster Quizathon

Quote of the moment:
"What was the name of prince eric's dog in the film The Little Mermaid?"

My laptop is back from being repaired, complete with a new harddisk, disk drive and keyboard. I have an enter key. Miracles do happen.

I'm currently using it to play the new Flixster quiz, which is mostly trivially easy (being user compiled). However, I must still prove my geek credentials.

The answer, by the way, was Max. It was multiple choice, but I should still get kudos for getting it right having not seen the film for at least 10 years. It's not at all embarassing that I knew that. Honest.

Return of the Villi

Quote of the moment:
"Duh duh duh dun da-duh dun da-duh"

The burn strong on this one was. Pink, he was, hmmm? Peeling still, he is. More details later you will have.

Eat Ewoks.

More Exercise Needed

Quote of the moment:
"It's like listening to the Cirque du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws." - Jeremy Clarkson test-driving a Lambourghini.

Saw this and thought of the Prill m8. Short minds think alike, perhaps?

In the last 24 hours I have: gone for a cycle around Broadstairs at 2am, which was rather awesome, being completely silent except for the waves on the beach; played a set of tennis when I got up; cycled to the beach, along to the promenade to Ramsgate and back along the clifftops; walked the dogs along the beach; played another set of tennis in the gathering gloom with the help of some new fluorescent balls.

All fun stuff, but I'm STILL not tired enough. My dear mother has promised to drag me out of bed for a full tennis match early tomorrow morning.

A High Performance Athlete

Quote of the moment:
"Greetings fellow high performance athletes,

El Presidento, Sanchez and my holy self have formed the new CURC Website."

- Sex Pest appoints himself as the ghost in the evil trinity.


Oopsy daisy... look what's been put on the social page...

Iced Gems

Quote of the moment:
"I'm too old for this shit" - Detective Sergeant Murtaugh.



Yesterday there was a clan gathering for my grandpa's 80th. Naturally I spent the day with those on my maturity level. It was great. There were even Iced Gems.

Neighbours

Quote of the moment:
"Get the door - it's Will"

- the first thing produced by the sloganiser when I tried it. Highly appropriate. I've just got my housing assignment for next year. 64 Miskin Street. About as much effort to get to the K3/K9 as going upstairs to K9. They may not be impressed :p

It's also a very short stagger straight out the back of the union and plumb in the middle of studentville. I couldn't have picked a better place if I'd even considered trying...

In health news, women think they sleep worse sharing a bed, but they actually sleep better... men on the other hand sleep worse. No suprises there.

Cross Channel Confusion

Quote of the moment:
"I don't know how they understand each other!"

Vicky, talking about the thickly accented Spiral (Irish) and Glyn (Gog). A fair point. I didn't know either, so I left before I topped my record of 10 minutes of Big Brother a week.

On a more interesting topic, if I was still at uni rowing we might have struck a couple of bodies with the blades...

Halfway down

Quote of the moment:
Halfway down the stairs
Is a stair where I sit.
There isn't any other stair
Quite like it.
I'm not at the bottom,
I'm not at the top;
So this is the stair
Where I always stop.

Halfway up the stairs
Isn't up and isn't down.
It isn't in the nursery,
It isn't in the town.
And all kinds of funny thoughts
Go running round my head:
"It isn't really anywhere!
It's somewhere else instead!"

- A.A. Milne #

I saw this and thought of me :p

Are You Pumped?

Quote of the moment:
"Legolas, what do your elven eyes see?"

Are you pumped for Film Four coming to Freeview? It's going to make not having a job or anything to do all summer worthwhile. Ah... films.

The week's been good. I have been occupied. It was fun, kthnx, bye.

Just for Prill's benefit, in the last week there have been:

Jim's birthday. Went to the Green Dragon for lunch with Jim, Jimmy and Harry, where the legendary Tom Fell is now working. Legendary because of the Tom Fell song. It's a great song. You just sing Tom Fell over and over again to the tune of Amazing Grace. Freestyle verses between pure Tom Fell choruses are an optional bonus. Ah, the joys of CCF camp.

Minus Harry we went to Pirates 2, where Jimmy ogled Keira Knightley, Jim eyed up the voodoo chick and I admired Stellan Skarsgard's starfish. When we got back to Jim's, after some failed bunnyhunting, we went on a cross country trek to Tescos. Jim's airrifle went with us, which meant that we got in sight of it across a field and realised we should go to my house instead. It was while looking at Tescos that I asked Jim what his elven eyes saw and Jimmy got in a huff because that made him Gimli. He does have a pot though. What larks, Pip, what larks.

When we eventually surfaced the next day we returned to Jim's for a spot of tennis and overfeeding by his mum. Bless Jim's mum. She seems to think even I need feeding up.

Notable events since then: Will T came for a flying visit from Edinburgh and dropped in to spend more time here than with his parents. Charming young man. We were serving Pimm's though. Jim and Jimmy also came for some hardcore croquet action, which I took far too seriously and won with a complicated double croquet when all had seemed lost. I probably had the Smug Jambo Look (TM), although I think I avoided the victorious nodding.

Other than that, I have finished LOTR and the Hobbit and done very little of any use apart from a lot of dog-walking.

Hail to the Queen

Quote of the moment:
It said that early in her life, the Queen Ant will be fertilized by multiple male ants, and will use the sperm from this one incident of insemination to lay fertilized eggs for the rest of her life. I know what you're thinking, "That sucks for her," but perhaps you don't seem to realize just how much this sucks. The average lifespan for a Queen Ant is, get this, fifteen years. So this ant gets gang raped once in her life, and pays for it for more than a decade by never moving and laying eggs pretty much 24/7. I mean, damn.

I'm so glad I'm not an ant.

- Aly.

Summer camp this year is apparently well below par. I'm reassured. I'm also on book 4 of LOTR.

Allez Les Bleus

Quote of the moment:
A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain
Softly blows o’er Lullaby Bay
It fills the sails of boats that are waiting
Waiting to sail your worries away

Dream on, Zinedine... I was disappointed by his poor aim. Why headbutt the chest when he could have gone for the nose?

Had a joyous occurence on the way down to Kent yesterday. The fanbelt broke, the engine overheated and steam started pouring out from under the bonnet. Score!

Made it to Kent in the end, with parental assistance, just in time for the dinner/ball type occasion for the birthday of the headmaster's daughter, Francis. All was well until I switched to red wine, having finished (along with another, even more drunk Will) the table's supply of white. It wasn't so agreeable and accounted for the red hue of the vomit stains I was shown in the morning...

Apparently I was very "good value", despite managing to catch my trousers on something and rip them open across the arse. Sexy. Oh yes. I was put to bed by Sarah and the girl who had a joint party with the headmaster's son back at Easter and I'm told I was gone enough to be telling her I loved her, just like I was telling everyone the night the pavement attacked me. Oops.

You're Looking Rather Podgy...

Quote of the moment:
"My mum just said my waist and stomach have been getting big. Kthx."

- The Podge. Owned. Everyone's got it the wrong way around... you're supposed to get fat off free food in the holidays, like me, not having to buy stuff in the termtime.

Dancing Through Life?

Quote of the moment:
"It is said 'Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger'"

"And it is also said 'Go not to the Elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.'"

I've started on LOTR :D Also today I did an hour's length thrashing in the pool and thrashing of a different sort against my mother at tennis. Haven't played for about eight years apart from when occasionally forced to in PE, but Wimbledon inspired me. We got as far as 3-3, 4 games of which were breaks, before it was suppertime and I won a tie-break 7-4. Not particularly owned, except that I always disliked tennis, much prefering badminton, and I was using my sister's racquet which was a touch on the small side. I think I finally was forced to grasp top-spin playing Jimmy on his spanky new table-tennis table last week.

I'm off to watch Dances with Wolves, so I shall leave you with this gem:



Everything but the last part... I'm happy to spread the joys of the Drunk Will persona outside the bounds of insobriety.

Miss Sally Lockhart, I Presume?

Quote of the moment:
Live News.......Fifa in doubt over Portugal world cup win against England

It's alleged that one of the Portuguese football players failed a drugs test after the match. If this is confirmed as positive, under World Football Federation rules, paragraph 6 sub section 2e, Portugal will forfeit the quarter final match and England will play France in a Semi Final match played at a later date. (scroll down for the full transcript of this report).

...Carlsberg don't send emails, but if they did they would probably be the best emails in the world.

Cracking stuff. An interesting night tonight, at the end of year staff party. Apart from me, the only people under 30 were the headmaster's daughters, who were behind the "bar" table, and the oddjobbing year-after-uni-to-decide-what-to-do old boy, who was minding the music and chatting up the elder daughter. Reassuringly he has much less hair than me. The party was suprisingly ok, mostly because all the staff were drinking themselves back to my kind of mental age and I was staying there on Coke.



In entertainment news, hot on the heels of the possible massacre of His Dark Materials comes a BBC adaption of Philip Pullman's The Ruby in the Smoke. It should at least be kept British and the BBC expertise in Victorian drama is second to none, but Billie Piper? Not exactly the classiest choice. Sally's supposed to be the posh lady in the East End, not the eJimmy, of course, wants Emilia Fox, because he loves Emilia Fox. Fine for the later books, but Sally's supposed to start out aged 16. Then again, if they make all 4 straight off, then that'll balance out a bit. Personally I'd go for someone like Emilie de Ravin.

User Satisfaction

Quote of the moment:



There's nothing so bad about that... dumps can be a highly satisfying experience, especially when accompanied by quality literature. Today's highlight was actually, however, attempting to take the dogs for a walk around the school pitches and being mobbed by 9 year old girls all madly in love with the pair of them, especially Zulu (the 2 year old black labrador, as supposed to Ben, the 9-odd year old yellow labrador). I ended up refereeing a game of piggy-in-the-middle with complicated political overtones, which were only explained to me afterwards by my mother. There was me blithely thinking they were all getting on fine!

Psalm 23

Quote of the moment:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

- Psalm 23, also the name of the episode of Lost series 2 about Mr Eko. Marvelous what you can randomly find out from the RT online, Daily-Mail-reader-targeted though the reviews are. Mr Eko: don't you wish he'd been the school chaplain? Even I would have turned up on time then...

The Will Show

Quote of the moment:
"The thing is, a person's life is like a TV show. I was the star of The Will Show. And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama. Guests came and went, but I was the regular. It came down to me and me alone."

- Hugh Grant (Will), About a Boy.

My dearly beloved little sister carried on the family tradition by getting hammered, blanking the middle part of the school summer ball and at some point in this blank, losing her phone. Perhaps I can blame my own escapades on my genes?

Now I must get on with dividing my day into units of half an hour to keep myself occupied. Tis a good plan. Going shopping for Nick Hornby books would take up at least 3 units...

The Bushcraft Channel

Quote of the moment:
"UKTV History: Ray Mear's Bushcraft"

On the hour, every hour, from 7am to 1am today. I would say "Oh dear" but given the dearth of anything else decent I watched parts of 4 different ones.

I also watched the penalties of doom. It was all over from when they started to "play for penalties", wasn't it?! England CAN'T win on penalties!

Pot

Quote of the moment:
Fabienne: I was looking at myself in the mirror.
Butch: Uh-huh?
Fabienne: I wish I had a pot.
Butch: You were lookin' in the mirror and you wish you had some pot?
Fabienne: A pot. A pot belly. Pot bellies are sexy.
Butch: Well you should be happy, 'cause you do.
Fabienne: Shut up, Fatso! I don't have a pot! I have a bit of a tummy, like Madonna when she did "Lucky Star," it's not the same thing.
Butch: I didn't realize there was a difference between a tummy and a pot belly.
Fabienne: The difference is huge.
Butch: You want me to have a pot?
Fabienne: No. Pot bellies make a man look either oafish, or like a gorilla. But on a woman, a pot belly is very sexy. The rest of you is normal. Normal face, normal legs, normal hips, normal ass, but with a big, perfectly round pot belly. If I had one, I'd wear a tee-shirt two sizes too small to accentuate it.

- From Pulp Fiction, just for Jimmy.

Prill m8, that should be your response when your mummy says "you should lose weight like Will"... :p

Buzzed

Quote of the moment:
"Nice haircuts men!" - Lt. Harris, Police Academy.

I've finally got rid of the curls again. Being me, it was something I was told to do a month ago and hadn't quite got around to...

Old Habits Die Hard

Quote of the moment:
"Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh!" - Dr Evil.

I haven't watched TV (or at least a TV of which I'm in control) for so long that I keep wanting to pause it so I can get up and do something or talk to someone. Not only that, but I'm reaching for a phantom spacebar to do it. Almost as bad as when I tried to mute my sister with the TV remote.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Quote of the moment:
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late and to a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

- Sandi Thom, I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker, otherwise known as the Podgy song. Done another rejig of the links list... that and Tiggerland are my favourites. Y'know... Tiggerland... the film, with Colin Farrell as Christopher Robin, leading his toys through training for Vietnam...

Coming back to the real world for one of those annoying random point updates:

I put my sister on the train to her OTC camp on Friday. Unfortunately, Broadstairs being a minor station and stop time seemingly being minimised, by the time I got on and dropped her stuff that I was carrying, it'd already started moving. Not only was I minus a wallet, I'd walked into the (small rural) station in bare feet. Fortunately the trip back from Margate was short enough for the conductor not to reach me.

Portugal vs Holland this evening was the worst refereed World Cup game ever. 16 yellow cards, 4 reds, numerous pushings, shovings and arguments. I loved it, why aren't they all like that?!

Finally, hence the title, I had an absolutely awesome dream this morning. I was escaping from a gang in a Hong-Kong-esque city, ended up in a canal, swam a raft out past some patrol boats, through the harbour, out to a random island, up a river into the island into a kind of canal/directed river flow, past some huts very reminiscient of Apocalypse Now, got passed over by some helicopters (sadly failing to play Ride of the Valkyries), ditched my raft, was wading up the river/canal when I heard someone pushing through the trees beside me, so I ducked in under an overhanging willow-type tree and then their phone went off... which was my phone alarm waking me up. Perhaps pizza last night added to my fertile imagination (all of it was beautifully rendered, though not entirely original... some heavy Lost/Apocalypse Now/Platoon/Farcry referencing) so I shall have to purchase some cheese and see what tomorrow night brings. I refer you back to...

Sixty Lengths Worth of Distance Swum

Quote of the moment:
Forget about it is like if you agree with someone, you know, like Raquel Welch is one great piece of ass, forget about it. But then, if you disagree, like A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it! you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mingia those peppers, forget about it. But it's also like saying Go to hell! too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means forget about it."

- Johnny Depp
a.k.a. Captain Jack Sparrow
in Donnie Brascoe.

All so true, except it's spelt more like fughetaboudit. See the pronunciation scene in Mickey Blue Eyes for details, you can't be any slower on the uptake than the classic Hugh Grant bumbling twit. My camp director last year, being from Brooklyn, was highly fond of it.

Goodnight, Mister Will

Quote of the moment:
"If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run..."

It's not just the twee awesomeness of Goodnight Mr Tom I'm enjoying, but the brilliant ancient advertisements. Fast-forwarding through the adverts is so not worth it, they add to the experience.

"...Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son."

Strike One

Quote of the moment:
“The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to a close. In its place we are entering a period of consequence.” - Winston Churchill.

Retaking first year. Oops. Rents took it suprisingly well though.

Mr Bump

Quote of the moment:
"This experience has tested me and revealed no character whatsoever." - David Schwimmer in Six Days Seven Nights.



Oops... I think I'm still a trifle concussed. Been groggy since Thursday. I expect the lack of feeling in the skin down my right leg is due to the lump/gouge/graze on my hip, not the bump to the head though. It's all a bit mixed up, because my glands are also swollen, which I think is unrelated to Wednesday, and that's probably not helping with the woozy head.

A Fire Shall Be Woken

Quote of the moment:
"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

Inspirational stuff... from the darkness may come light. But what did the candle say to the darkness? I can't remember the classic Rev. quote...

Not all those who wander are lost

Quote of the moment:
'What do you fear my lady?'
'A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valour has gone beyond recall or desire.'

Things to do this summer, part XIV: read LOTR again, then follow it up with the Silmarillion.

Procrastination-Devoid Nation

Quote of the moment:
...
I burned your incense
I ran a bath
And I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said "Hello love, I love you so love, meet me at midnight"
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
...

- Your House - Alanis Morissette

Been listening to the acoustic version (ironically it's actually more heavily backed than the original, which was acapella) since it's one of the few albums I have on my laptop and everything else has gone home.

Today was all about... nothing. Did nothing of any use whatsoever. It felt wrong. Doing nothing of any use whatsoever is so much more fun and fulfilling when there are things you should actually be doing.

I Demand Satisfaction

Quote of the moment:
"Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors." - random MSN Today link.

Freakin' sweet. All I need to do is get Moz into the Paraguayan embassy (and sign him up as a blood donor) and retribution for his filthy farting will be mine.

Raiding Party!

Quote of the moment:
"Does anyone love the sausage?"

Awesome night. Started with watching the first World Cup game from my flatmates paddling pool, set up just outside our windows... and when I say paddling pool, it had two hoses (rigged up to showers, best way available) filling it and its own electric filter... there were 12 of us in it. It rules.

Hit the booze (partial thanks due to Relm), went out to Fat Friday (at the union)... attempted to do a burning sambuca, was too sober for once, managed to spray it down my tshirt... classy... survived that, ended up dancing with some random girl... turned out she was a 3rd year, last Fat Friday ever, saying I was a first year was NOT the right answer... LOL... ah well...

Went hyper afterwards, was running round the station carpark on the way home... Steve either tryed to kick me or block himself with his leg, not sure which (but who blocks with their leg!?) and I ran straight into it and knocked him over and apparently he bummed his wrist... someone might be pissed with me in the morning/afternoon/whenever I get up. Oops. Sorry Steve.

Then went a roundabout route (complete with me doing hyper sprints up and down the road) to Martin's Act One (uni drama soc) house party... 'cept most people had already left, it being gone 2am. I was obviously indifferent to that. Don't they know who I am?! I'm the Juggernaut **Drunk Will** bitch! So after knocking a couple of beer bottles open on the gate (it was an awesome house, it effectively had its own beer garden) I headed out the back, found the charcoal and some sausages and baps (and some far too defrosted burgers which minged) and got cooking, because I was hungry. Ended up cooking for at least 15 people who turned up soon after. I was the BBQ king. They had marshmallows too... I was doing well with them, had them on a toasting fork, til I tried one too early and it burnt onto my lip. Oops. Anyway, my cooking was loved.

After a random conversation with a guy who was a musical counselor on a summer camp in Massachusetts (sp?) last summer and an icecream he robbed from the freezer inside, I headed home, to find Jay and Martin being crazy ninjas... so I ninja-d around the court with them for a bit, then went upstairs... since Ruth had left her light on I knocked on the door of K8 (flat upstairs in my block, me being in K1)... and it opened.

So, there was me, in K8. Well, obviously it was psy-ops time. They have nice labels on their doors and kitchen cupboards and stuff, so I switched all the door ones around, then swapped some of the kitchen cupboard contents and their labels around, then took their bathroom stuff and hid it in the microwave and put their bleach and stuff in the shower. Alriiiiight. Met a random bloke in the bathroom, but I acted like I belonged there and he was just like "Alright?". I was like "Alright?" and carried on putting the bleach bottles in the shower. Oh, and I put the loo seat up on purpose, before he appeared, but his presence probably spoiled that effect. Oh, and I built a pyramid of glasses on their kitchen table. OWNED.

Then I came home and got online. Am rather sooty, mildy burnt in a few places, still pretty drunk and starting to feel hungover, so it's off to Bedfordshire.

All in all... tonight was awesome :D

All Done :D

Crisis over. I listened to the stupid ABBA song til I was sick of it, wrote a damn emo poem, laughed at my own pomposity and got over myself. Life's good.

We Move Along...

Quote of the moment:
I dont want to talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And thats what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all... #

St Hildas College, Oxford, is becoming the final all female Oxford college to open its doors to men. What I noticed about the story, however, was that the photo included Liz Daplyn. She was whatever being my uncle's niece made her. Resquiescat in pace, Liz.

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

Went shopping earlier, because I owed Paul a rugby ball for his one that I kicked backwards over my head and into an overgrown and ball-hiding garden. Oops. Also got some t-shirts (to horrify my mum, because I have about 50 already). Retail therapy. What a girl. Anyway, I can now fit quite easily into a medium, so I've found something to be positive about :D

Home

Quote of the moment:
"Let's drink til we can't feel feelings anymore!" - Podgy, quoting Peter Griffin. #

I haven't really done an emotional post since the first time. This first time. This was meant to be 3rd time lucky. Except nothing is meant to be and we make our own luck. We make our own luck. Nothing is meant to be.

A week's gone by. I'm back where I was, but perhaps... the footsteps of the week's journey are still visible. To overextend the metaphor, parts of the journey were... they were good, but on reflection they were bits that could've happened platonically. When the footsteps have faded and the memories have been refiled under nostalgia, I hope it is the same. I've done it once before. More's been said, more's been done, more's out in the open now, but fingers crossed. I want to be back home.

06/06/06

Quote of the moment:
"Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number. Its number is six hundred and sixty-six." #

Have a satanic day, kids.

Jambo IS the Chosen One

Quote of the moment:
"I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle" - Topless Jambo, while waving his belly around the hall.

Jambo returned from a costumed birthday outing and decided for some reason to discard his shirt (belted to resemble the tunic) and carry on wearing the rest of his Anakin Skywalker garb anyway. It's not pretty. It is, however, most entertaining, and wonderfully soundtracked and filmed by moi.

Succubi

Quote of the moment:
"Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage."

Bit of a random occurence earlier... Two of my female acquaintances showed up outside my window, along with another girl and two guys, and they demanded that I go out with them... I was like, "At half ten, when I'm completely sober?", etc etc, but after some failed puppy dog eyes a deal was proposed: I had to go out if one of the girls I knew pulled the one I didn't. I didn't think they were that drunk, so I agreed, but they were... quite enthusiastically so...

By the time I'd got changed and got to the club, however, I found it empty as a beer-stocked fridge after a visit from Big James. Lacking a phone number and having produced nothing from the most likely ring-around candidates, I went home!

Skype Up Your Life

Quote of the moment:
H.R. person: You know how sometimes couples get into a TIFF?
Lexque: Yeah, and some couples even get into a JPEG, or a PDF!
H.R. person: *buries face on table*
- The legendary Lexcie.

Gather round children. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. Once upon a time there was a program called Skype. It worked like MSN Messenger, having a contact list and allowing for text conversations, but it also allowed people to talk to each other as if they were using the phone, for free.



Everyone got Skype and talked to each other lots, both one to one and in conference calls, and they all lived happily ever after. The End.

Recipe for Disaster

Quote of the moment:

You're A Passed Out Drunk

Drinking gives you that warm fuzzy feeling, until you're thrown in the back of a police car...

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

There's a recipe for that. Take one Fresher, add one union nightclub ticket, stir in a few pints of lager, leave to return home, add most of a bottle of vodka, leave to sizzle, add water to sober up. Then rapidly add the special Big James "glass of water" and enjoy.

(Thanks to Steve for releasing the infamous photo)

X-Rated

Quote of the moment:
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. - Oscar Wilde.

In the meantime, there's X-Men 3. Awesome stuff, especially the Jean Gray bits. Wolverine continues to go on amazingly bloodless 12A-rated killing sprees on the slightest provocation, which is also good. Should you not have seen it yet, stay to the end. Goodies (and not in the baddies sense) hidden after the credits.

Should have been rowing in the Monmouth Regatta today, but because of the week of heavy rain the Wye was not only high but also full of flotsam of the rudder breaking log variety, which was also apparently building up around the piers of the bridge part-way down the course. So, no racing. We may be going to the Reading Regatta instead though.