Late-Night Bemusement

More sheer genius.

The goverment wants to force predominantly white schools to 'twin' with 'ethnically-diverse schools' to stop racial segregation. Uhuh. Sure thing.

So they're going to force every single school in the countryside to bus their pupils into cities to gawk at the blicks? Genius. Or are they going to send out the black and asian kids so that the poor yokels can understand that they aren't so different after all? As for their white council estate dwelling urban cohabitants, kids hang around with whoever lives on their street and gang up on the next street over. It's their parents who try and place restrictions on them, and who move to segregated areas in the first place, but let's get real. This is not Derry or Sadr city.

If the government wanted to force proportional integration within city schools, fine by me. If they want to introduce the poor yokels to 'persons of colour' then make Trevor Phillips walk through every village in the country. (Preferably over hot coals, for being a cretin.)

A Chip off the Old Shoulder

What a load of balls.

1. The existence of private schools removes the burden of funding the education of 7% of the nations children. They're supposed to be penalised for this?


2. Private schools do not own their teachers. They cannot compell them to work extra hours in state schools. They cannot afford to remove them during timetabled lessons. Private school teachers already have to stay in school until 6 o'clock, teach on Saturdays, coach sports teams and run activities. Boarding house staff are never off duty.


3. "State school teachers had to teach more varied communities than their private school counterparts." Of course, private schools teach only white, upper middle class English children. How many pupils on average join a state senior school with barely any English? Yes, in some inner city immigrant communities it happens. But really, could most schools say they have french, german, spanish, czechoslovakian, polish, russian, chinese, korean or japanese students? What about ALL of them, plus jamaican, south african, american... In my U6th physics set of 11: Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, German.


4. Private schools have all these facilites state schools don't. Yes, private schools have lots of playing fields. So do equivalently situated state schools. In the country, fields are available. If local councils were prevented or didn't need to sell sports pitches off, more state schools would still have lots of sports pitches.


5. Private schools should take state school pupils on secondment. You mean like in the old scheme where talented pupils could win state funding to attend private school? The scheme that New Labour abolished?

It's just such a load of vague, posturing, unworkable, unjustified crap.

Floreat Uttlesford

According to a reader's digest poll Uttlesford is the 10th best place to raise a family in the country, out of 408. Giggity. It's apparently slipped from 1st in a previous one though...

Alumni Felstedienses

The Wikipedia article on Felsted School lists among the notable Old Felstedians one General Sir Richard Dannatt (b. 1950), British soldier and Chief of the General Staff (2006-).

In other words, the head of the British Army. A real gem for Major Christmas... he may even have been the one who inspected the biennial parade the year after I left and presented Sarah with a birthday cake.

On the First Day of Christmas

Went to the midnight service in Felsted. The Christmas, The Flopster and many more were there. It was ultimate fun, especially when my mum had been at the wine a bit hard and kept starting hymns twice as loud and shrill as everyone else. I on the other hand was using my best Barry White bass. Sexy. But talking of sexy, kids... be good like uncle Jim.

MCAAHNY!

Quote of the moment:
"I went to see Narnia last week..." - the vicar. Tis spreading insidiously :p

"Midnight Mass" (at the non-RC Felsted Church) was great fun. I saw Mr Roberts, Mrs Marshall, the West family, Mr Sugden, the Vernons, the Seals and more. Floppy (Mr Roberts, my old headmaster) was sitting in the row in front of us. Joyous.

Ritalin Time

Quote of the moment:
If 5 or more items from the above checklist apply to your child, he/she should be evaluated by a professional for possible Attention Deficit Disorder.

There were 33 items on the checklist. According to self-evaluation of me aged 5-18, I ticked 18. Not all applied at once, but still...

Ritalin time! (to the tune of Hammer time)

Technically Ritalin's not prescribed for ADD, only ADHD, but it is described for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome. So I could have been a Ritalin junkie anyway.

Changing The Guard

Quote of the moment:
Dear Rita, do you think the world would be a much more peaceful and happy place if everyone had Down's syndrome?

No. We'd just have really clean windows.

I'm sure she's related to Jim.

I was persuaded into working tomorrow night by the offer of £7.50 per hour. Quite reasonable, especially for being a 'Security Guard' 'and supposedly watching over a swimming pool. Yup. Sounds great, doesn't it? I apparently have to sit near it and tell people not to go in. I have no idea whether it's outside or inside, or where the hell it is. I have to be outside The Cave nightclub in Chelmsford at 5pm, but that doesn't sound to me as if it's actually working there. Besides, why would a nightclub in Chelmsford have a pool?! The Cave's right by the train and bus stations, so I suspect there may be a minbus for a load of staff to some event somewhere. Whichever, I'm going armed with a book.

News from Felsted: the prefects have been chosen and there are, bizarrely, 18 of them already plus 2 more that could be promoted after serving time for naughtiness. That makes a total of 20. If that seems a little daft, then consider this:

Melanie Balfour (Deputy Head of School)
Susie Bradley
Loren Sherer
Kat Malyon
Torty Lee (Head of House, prefect when time served)

All of the above are from Follyfield. What a coincidence that the Housemistress is married to the Deputy Headmaster.

Elwyns did quite respectably, securing 3 prefects for the second year running:

Freddie Blackwell (Head of House)
David Rees
Charlie Paterson

BCC it shall be...

Quote of the moment: BCC, with a B in Maths

That's what I need, it seems... to scrape myself into Cardiff/Bath next year... Have emails from both admissions tutors confirming it, so now I just need to get my arse in gear and sort my maths out... tis a relief to know I don't need to touch Chemistry or Physics again... :D

Hopefully I shall be off to a "Crammer" soon, like start of September time, and I shall do oodles of maths, more maths and only maths (I wish I could watch Podgy's expression when she reads this) :D Then hopefully I can take my maths exams in January, or maybe even November, and bugger off and do something useful/worthwhile... Perhaps go somewhere hot and work for a well project or something... burn off the podge... or my mum found a leaflet while we were on holiday, about restoring the Droitwich canal... Again, Civ. Eng. related... Anyway, tres ambitious thinking at the moment! TBH I never really considered taking a gap year, I was always planning on going to Uni straight away, getting on with life, because with a 4 year course plus a year's training at Sandhurst (fingers crossed) I'll have a while still til I actually start doing something... But now that I do have hopefully at lest 6 months free, I'm amusing myself by pondering the possibilities...

Other news: My (my mum's) car, newly back from having the rear something or other fixed, which got cracked when I reversed into a wheely bin (as well as the window), has a new battle scar: Vince, a touch worse for wear on Friday night, didnt manage to push the garage door up properly, and it dropped on the bonnet as I drove in... OOOPS.

Also: Having read "Sleepers" while canal-tripping, in which the kid's favourite book is the Count of Monte Cristo (by Alexandre Dumas, also author of "The Three Musketeers"), guess what I'm now reading... tis HUGE... the size of Harry Potter 5, but in 8 point text (I think). Anyway, tis tiny text and very thin paper, being a Penguin Classic of the £1 variety... I started it this morning and, in between emailing Universities and watching the olympics, have reached page 127... of 1078... so about 1/8th of the way, if my D-grade maths can hack that... It's apperently the first unabridged translation (from the original french) for 150 years, because the Victorians didn't like the opium induced sexual fantasies and other delights, and edited them out... Lol... Tis actually a pro book, even though there's barely any of that anyway :P

Did anyone appart from me see the Olympic womens Volleyball quarterfinal today? Russia vs South Korea... Korea getting owned might have had something to do with the tallest Korean being something like 5ft10, and the tallest Russian, Gamova (obvious pun from the commentator: can you guess it?) being 6ft8... stick thin, walked like a Giraffe... and scored one third of the total team points... Good enough for Jim?! :p

I will prepare a Canal Trip narrative when I can be arsed... which isn't now, because I'm going back to my book :p

Today - Results Day

Quote of the moment: "I'm sorry to tell you that..."

So, today was the big one... resultus dayus... and, as expected, mine were not great. CCD, with the D in maths. Rather poo, in fact. Had I scraped a C in maths, I might have held onto an offer, admittedly reduced to BEng from MEng, but as it is, no chance...

So, clearing: Swansea - tiny chance, Plymouth - can go, that's about it from decent places... Plymouth suffers in the tables cos of having no research, but it owns in the teaching marks (23/24) so I'm considering it...

Otherwise, it's resit time... Definitely Maths, maybe the other two as well, it depends on what the admissions tutors from Bath and Cardiff say they'd require from me next year... So it's all a bit up-in-the-air at the moment...

I don't want to rush into any place I can get, cos I want to be able to check out the Uni first and all... So I dont know if I will do anything through clearing this year... Plus now that it's open again, the possibility of heading off somewhere for a bit does sound quite pr0... Doing a gap tutor stint, or something... tis a bit late, I know, but I could maybe go for 6 months after Christmas or something... Dunno... Another possibility is working for a while to earn some money for a Parachuting course... tis apparently about £800 for a pro one in the states (not including flights)... Tis a week long, but cos of the clear skies and steady winds (unlike in Britain) you can jump pretty much all the time, and do something like 20 jumps in that week... freefall... getting onto skydiving stuff by the end of the week, all the steering yourself in the air bit before pulling the ripcord... sounds like an ownage trip...

Speaking of ownage, today was actually quite pro... Had lunch at the 3 horseshoes (including chips with sweet and sour sauce - awesome combo) then hit Cineworld, saw Pete Vernon's awesome, Toploader style, big, fuzzy, almost fro like hair, watched "I, Robot" which was pr0 apart from the coporate advertising bits, and the unneccessary messiah sideline subplot... Never-the-less, a pr0 film... Then we hit KFC (and I betrayed Podgy's anti MacDonalds passion to get a Big Mac next door) and took it home to Kaz's house... I'd like to point out that Harry went around the roundabout twice, twice... :p Once on the way to KFC, ffs, and again going to Kaz's house... Which was pr0, in particular the chair which would fit one Will, or Kaz and Tirzah together... Lol... Cable Guy was t3h r0x0r, as was scanning the channels and finding filth on all 3 non BBC ones... Call in the Daily Mail, surely!

That's about it for now... I'll FOAGTB :D

Watching the rain...

Quote of the moment:
Doo-di-doo-doo doo-di-doo-di doo-doo-di-doo-di...

Singing in the rain...
I'm singing in the rain...
What a glorious feeling... etc etc


THERE IS NO WHY. THERE IS ONLY ME, said Will in the leaden tones of Death...

Hmmm. Am in the library, watching the rain running down the window, wondering wtf is going to happen to the eagerly anticipated (by myself and Fares anyway) tug-of-war...

Methinks it might be cancelled... Shame!

Oooh, we have sunlight... there's hope yet...

This is in fact the most boring, waste-of-time entry I've ever written. Pfft, it's keeping me occupied for a while! Ooooooooh, thunder... 8-0

I give up. Am heading to stocks to harass podgy, since I think she's the only person in at the moment... honestly, one might almost think you wanted to get away from the place... :p

An Update...

Quote of the moment:
I want to do an Achilles on someone - Jim


So, as you might guess from the above, saw Troy tonight... but in the correct chronological order: Excluding the random one last night about the pics, which I have so far failed to put up, my last post was Monday afternoon... So since then...

Monday night - did a smattering of Chemistry Revision

Tuesday - Had my last exam in the morning. Went quite well, I thought... It was ironic that only Prillo hated it... When only Prillo DIDN'T hate the P3 exam, for example... After that, having meant to go home straight away, I hung around in the library, went to lunch, watched spaceballs with Will T, Jimmy and Jim, then finally went and packed up my stuff and went home... Study all clear but for posters and my fridge, which my 'rents picked up later when they went to some Netball Tour meeting thing... In the evening, went to a pub in North End, where met a minibus full of strangely familiar people... 3 hours later, Elwyns UVI apart from me (and Rob, Paddy and Anthony) returned to Elwyns in the same minibus... Along with Mr's Gwyther, Golden and Bennett, and our dear Matron who just happens to be the minibus controller... Even more tragic, the pub quiz machine proved too much for our combined mental power... (I blame the sports rounds)... We kept falling just short of the ***Cash Prizes*** (What a surprise!) but Mr Gwyther seemed sure we'd win... It was his money we were putting in, anyway!

Wednesday - Technically yesterday, since it's well past midnight... Thought I'd have a lie in... Overindulged a bit... Woke up around 1pm (quite good for me!) and was driven to Chelmsford, to buy a dinner jacket... Also got a present for someone, as an apology for being a muppet... However, due to not taking a charged phone with me, and not going home for a long while after then, I now need rather more than what I got. Eeek!...
Following that, I took my mother's car (she met me and my dad in Chelmsford, having gone straight from work) and headed off to Freeport, where I met Jimmy and Prillo, and we got rained on... Pril left plus one handbag and one cash sum extracted for teachers presents... I left feeling poor! After that, went into Felsted, picked up Vince, went to Jim's, found Jim's mum... Jim was a little trickier to locate, but eventually we spotted him as we combed his paddocks... He was wearing a classic farmer get-up, and walking his duck. Not dog, duck. Uhuh. Though it is an exceedingly cool duck... It got bored after I held it for a while, and tried to fly away, but its wings are still rather tiny, so it was a bit of a dive...
We then watched the Simpsons while Jim changed out of his farmer gear, and headed back to Freeport... Bought tickets, went to KFC, came back, watched Troy. IT IS K3WL. Has some rather amusing take-offs of Gladiator, among others, though I don't know whether they were intentional or just unoriginal... And it did make the 10 years seem like a week! But it was still pr0.
We then returned to my abode, at last, where Vince signed me book, and we indulged in a little goldeneye... :D those were the days, indeed... Jim also practiced his Achilles technique on a plastic bottle in my garden... With surprisingly impressive effects! I then finally got rid of the pair of bums around half two... Vince obviously returning by the traditional Elwyns TV room window route... Though all of this is technically on Thursday :D
I then managed to plug in my phone to charge, and discovered, as expected, that I had missed a phonecall and had a couple of unhappy answerphone messages to prove it... So I'm in le poop... How rare! I then logged on, and here I am... Far too much typing later... :D I also had a peek at Pikea 3... Quite pr0... And the phrase I was looking for yesterday in the library, the new "titty biscuits" equivalent, is "arse fez". So there you go!

Well, that's pretty me wrapped up... Tomorrow, I have to put in another far-too-early appearance in House at break time... Then it's CCF parade, where I have to unpack and repack my kit, to prove its existence and packedness prior to being shipped off to camp on Saturday with the yr 10... Which is nice! Then it's on to the relays and the great tug-of-war... Then the final club session and bbq... All in all, a day I shout have approached with considerably more sleep! It's starting to get light now, so I should probably be off to bed... I have successfully bumped up my word count quite a bit... And also written quite a lot of crap, all about ME! Hurrah! Well, I might as well glorify myself, no-one else will! :D

Goodnight!

Will Is Two-Time Gold Medal Winner!

Quote of the moment:
I'd like to thank my bed, for being such a familiar friend this past year, and my slightly sinister reputation, for sticking with me through thick and thin...


So, in other news related to the Leavers Book, I won two golds! How pro! I am officially the laziest person in the year, as well as the most likely to become a terrorist! W00t w00t!

Also in the leavers book, just the one picture with me in - other than in the elwyns section, obvs - which is quite pro! So I am doubly impressed! Not only prizes, but also a picture of me not looking bald!

Considering people other than me, I thought the piccy of Prillo and Jimmy that's in one of the montages was pretty pro as well... Also me being an oddball in camo paint in the funny photo still amuses me, because of Podgy hiding behind Helen and it therefore looking like I'm attacking Helen instead...

Now then, tis time for lunch when Pril finally arrives... I should have been revising for the Physics Synoptic paper, but pfft... did enough revision for my retakes and other A2 papers, so I've covered the whole syllabus already!

Pril-m8 is finally here, so I'll be off! Ciao!

Leavers book-ing...

Quote of the moment:
So long, farewell, aufwiedersehen, goodbye...

(The Sound of Music is pro, and you know it :p)

So anywayz, am in the library... Podge was here, til she decided to do something better with her time, and got me to write in her leavers book... Tis strange how I hadn't really grasped the whole "it's ending" thing til now... for someone whose ability to forget impending deadlines is legendary, that's hardly suprising!

I think also, having missed half the year, it doesn't feel like I have enough memories... I can seriously remember more of my first year in the prep school that of being in school this year... The good old days of my first meeting with the great Mr Spooner, throwing clay at the ceiling in Art (still doing that in year 9 :D), playing conkers on the "the downs"... my first "scrap" with paddy... Those were the days, indeed.

And what do I remember of this year? Hmmm...

- Some pro marching by Prillo at house shout...

- Jim and myself creating what looked like a burning sextoy in Baker's lab, one Sunday doing overtime Chemistry coursework...

- The same day, Jim making fingerless rubber gloves to look like a Chemistry Bum...

- Bumming around New Zealand, obviously, but that wasn't really school-related!

- My birthday, without the biology n00bs; Rob's 1337 bowling technique... Playing twister, and Paddy wedgying me so hard my boxers ripped... People (including me) using my dog as a pillow...

- Sitting in Maths lessons with Sheridan, and Jimmy trying to evacuate his bowels by coughing (or so it seemed!)...

- Falling asleep in Eggers lessons, droping my head onto my shoulder then jerking upright again... and Prillo and Jimmy having to stay behind for laughing so much they "disrupted the lesson"...

- Playing hockey at some school on my knees, because sliding on the mud was the pro defending tactic :D

- G.R. refusing to let me on the pitch the next match if I wore my humoungous shorts again...

- Severely embarassing Will T at a social by (slightly "merrily") picking him up and carrying him over to his chosen target, who he'd been too scared to approach... while he kicked and wailed on my shoulder... LOL

- Laughing at Will T about SAMMY MEGAHEY...

- Stealing Eglin's chair at the CCF dinner when he went for a slash, and putting it and his plate, mat, glass, knife, fork etc behind a curtain, then shuffling up to fill the gap...

- Being P0WNED over my chemistry coursework... soz Prillo! :$

- Going to the cinema with Paddy, Dan (as in the SMALLER ginger Dan...) and others who I can't remember... Trying to nick some of Dan's popcorn and him pulling it away so hard he spilt loads all over the people in the row in front of us...

- Turning up, for the first and only time, to a fitness circuit training session, and splitting my tracksuit trousers doing squat-thrusts...

- Having a coke while playing Cossakcs online with Jim, and him getting mad when I paused the game every time I felt like a sip...

- Squirting ketchup in Vince's hair in tea, and him p0wning me with a cup of milk...

- "Revising" in the library before my exams...

- House barbeque; Gwyther calls together the UVI when we're in his house afterwards, to tell us the whisky's for parents and guests only... and Vince already has a full glass of it... :D

- "Incest, incest, it's the best, put your sister to the test"... Especially the chorus of it in the LRH when Vicky grabbed me like a Koala and Eucalyptus tree...

ANYTHING ELSE?! I need more memories! And I need them all written down so I can't forget!

The Great Scrotch Strikes

From: Mr Thomson
To: ""
Cc: "" , "" , ""
Subject: games
Will

You missed Fitness on Fri and Sat. You have not had the manners to contact me
and I can not find your name on the abscence list.


I am afraid this equals 2 DHDs. May I remind you another one will result in
you being given a SED.

See me if you have a valid excuse.

awst

And then has to grovel... MWAHAHAHA...

From: Mr Thomson
To: ""
Cc: "" , ""
Subject: email



Will

IWG has told me that you have a free reign to attend school when you are able.

Please ignore my last email and it would be good to see you at fitness when
you cam manage it.

awst

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Btw: comment for the day is below, in all its meandering glory...